Answer to a Facebook Friend Inquiry


Author Note: I was asked once by an FB friend what it’s like to have ASD.

One of my Facebook friends asked me what it’s like to have Asperger’s. I replied as best as I could and liked it well enough to repost here.

It’s like being hyper-focused and easily distracted at the same time. I read at a minimum three books at the same time (my Kindle has made this easier for me, and less awkward) usually 2 fiction and one non-fiction. I’m at present reading ‘Dune’, 2 short story anthologies ‘The Robot Megapack; Astounding Science Fiction Stories, and a non-fiction about the early life on our planet called, ‘Life on a Young Planet’. I have to keep my mind constantly active so when I get bored reading one I switch without losing where I was before. I usually finish 1 or 2 300 page plus books in a week and a half. The internet is NOT good for me and t.v. can be impossible unless I find a show or 2 I can binge otherwise I go nuts because nothing is interesting. Talking to people is weird. I can listen better if I don’t look at the person because looking directly at that person is distracting (facial movements are distracting and I don’t hear everything. On the upside, I make a good listener if I just focus on the words). The world can be boring, boring, boring but if I have something to focus on I can watch something for hours. One time on my job I sat for 4 hours troubleshooting the operation of multiple relays until I found where an intermittent problem was occurring! Conversations are horrible because I tend to skip around a lot and digress quite a bit (it drives me nuts when I’ve moved on a subject my wife is still talking about). When I’m really bored I do “thought experiments” like imagining the path of a photon from its creation (the product of fusion within the Sun’s core) through its 93 million mile journey in space until it hits and excites the outer electron of a surface molecule which then we perceive as color. Touch is uncomfortable unless elicited. In other words, if I or someone like my wife wants a hug I can (and it feels good) but if someone were to touch me without me expecting it I flinch.

Upside: I know a lot about a lot, I can focus intensely on an activity without being distracted, I can discriminate sounds and inflections in voice quality better than most people, and I have a great imagination.

Downside: I’m easily bored, having and keeping relationships are difficult (making those I do have very special), I lack patience, and I have problems finishing tasks especially if they are not very stimulating and are repetitive.


Note: I can relate to cats.

-A. M. Holmes

Understanding Men


Author’s Note: With the Women’s March, the #MeToo, and #TimesUpNow movements taking center stage I think it’s time we look at what really has inspired them, Men.

male symbol emoji - Google Search

Some of you women may have been wondering what the hell is wrong with these men? Is it all about power and control? Is it that they wish to dominate everything that badly? Did mommy and daddy not teach them to respect women? Is it genetics? Are they just plain stupid? Or just brain dead? The short answer is, well, boring.

A multi-disciplinary research study in areas from genetics to behaviorism, psychology, and physiology have concluded that the main drive for men falls into three categories and little else. Men are motivated only by three things,

  1. Food
  2. Sex
  3. A way to do as little as possible with the least amount of effort and the greatest amount of gain.

Every single human endeavor from the dawn of time created by men can be thought of as a way of achieving one or more of these goals. From understanding the secrets of the universe to Velcro, it’s all about food, sex, and the desire to be lazy. Now, these are not in any kind of order of importance and they do tend to overlap on many occasions. As a matter of fact, if more of these goals can be achieved at the same time, the better. Take for example strip joints that feature all-you-can-eat buffets that are so popular among men. Here men can eat, enjoy sex, and achieve a high amount of self-gratification without doing anything at all (I always thought that if all of this could be done in a tasteful way, men doing these things while sitting on the toilet would be Nirvana). Men will pay top dollar to go to these establishments.

Another example is agriculture.

What motivated humans from leaving the comforts of the jungle to go trudging into the dangers of the outside world? Food (and if it was a woman who led the way- sex). Tool making? To do as little as possible with the least amount of effort and the highest amount of gain (opening a coconut, or the head of the person trying to steal your coconut). Combining the two we became hunter and gatherers (please note that its “hunters” then “gathers”, you’ll understand in a minute). Men developed societies in which women did most of the gathering (a laborious back-breaking effort requiring a great amount of time) while the men did the hunting (requiring a lot of wandering around not really sure where to go, eventually running into something, tracking it, killing it, skinning it, chopping it, and after much revelry, back patting, and a lot of “atta-boy, Og”, finally dragging it home to eat it- after the women prepared it, of course). It only took a mere 2 million years (and a long time of nagging from cave wives) for men to go to the next step and invent agriculture. Now, all that men had to do was to go out into their back-yards and kill it, skin it, chop it to bring it in and eat it (again, after women prepared it).

What about other inventions, you say? Cars- come on, aren’t they supposed to be sexy? Yes, if you consider a noisy, smelly, polluting machine made of cold steel and plastic that provides transportation with the least amount of effort (on the driver’s part) can really be an object of sexual desire (on a personal note, I prefer woman. It looks a lot less strange talking to one of them then to a machine that should not have anything interesting to say back to you).

Sports? The object of any sport to aggressively overwhelm your opponent through aggressive acts, and outscoring him with a lot of display. Ever watch deer rutting or any other phenomenal display of sexual competition? Compare that to something like football or boxing, same thing. I mean, how many times have men been heard using sport terminally to the ability to “win”, or “score” with women sexually? Isn’t the sweat in sport the same as in sex?

Ok, what about religion? What’s that all about? Religion is the set up (as thought up by men) of a moral code (as determined by men) of conduct (regulated by men) in which society (men and women) can live by. All religions include in their doctrine rules that govern sexual behavior- specifically, a woman’s sexual behavior. Why is that, you ask? Well, if a man can control a woman’s sexual activity he is guaranteed a source of sex (and food preparation) that requires as little effort as possible. I mean, that’s what marriage was really all about, wasn’t it (“until those goddamn women libbers and fags had to ruin it all for us real men”)? If a woman broke the rules she is labeled a whore. If a man does the same with a woman, he is considered doing God’s will and there is a lot of show of high fives all around and a lot of drinking and celebrating (and by the way, I know I sound like I’m religion bashing, I’m not. I’m a good little Catholic boy- well, most of the time). And don’t get me started on the many dietary laws religions have (that’s food, by the way).

Power is about sex. Before Catholic priests were made to take an oath of celibacy they were screwing anything that moved (and thinking about screwing anything that didn’t). Money is about power and the ability to get as much of it while doing as little as possible with the least amount of effort has always been looked at as a high achievement Communism failed because even though through sharing the work meant there was less effort, there was little gain as well. With power getting more food and more sex becomes easier.

What about understanding the secrets of the universe? Here you have men (and though there have been many strides made by women it is still men for the most part) sitting looking up into the sky, sitting considering a microscope, sitting looking at a difficult mathematical problem, sitting- well, you get the point.  Possessing knowledge is power (“I know more than you do, nya-nya-nana-nya-nya”). Power there is prestige. And with prestige comes invitations to all those high-class celebrity parties that all the “In” people go and where there are a lot of food and women. Seeing the pattern here?

So, women, that’s the secret to understanding men. The Golden Grail to the basic psyche of men.  The essence of maleness. The rhyme and reason to all the silly things that men do. So, accept them for what they are. After all, this study about men was conducted by men and men wouldn’t to women to make there lives easier. Now, I’m going out for lunch.

-A. M. Holmes

How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love My ASD


If anyone would have asked me in the beginning if I would like to be set down in a world among the idiots my answer would have been a firm “No“. Since no one did, here I am. If my answer seems to be insulting don’t let it bother you for it’s not meant for anyone specifically and applies only to humanity in general.

Still perturbed? Okay, I can say that there are exceptions and that you are one of them but then you’ll realize I don’t know you so how could it apply? Or, I could say the problem is not in you but in me but that is a copout because I really don’t think it and so the statement loses all its earnestness. Fine. So, let’s just say, as the saying goes, agree to disagree. What? Still not happy with the “world among the idiots” part? Fine {again}, prove to me we don’t live in a time and culture where stupidity is normal and exceptional is viewed with suspicion? For evidence of the culture of stupidity, one has only to look at the warning label of any product with the insight that at some point someone did attempt to blow-dry their hair in the shower or use bleach as a mouthwash. As for the attack on the brilliant how about the way we are training our children to believe “everyone is the same, everyone is a winner”. Really? Mediocrity as a life’s goal!

I predict that future historians, after a long ‘Dark Age’ recovery period, will call our times “The Meh Epoch”, or M.E.

Okay, so fine, a flatline baseline is what we in the Western world are shooting for, a world where “I am entitled to everything that is coming to me as long as no one I don’t like gets any of it then it’s not fair” populist politics of both the Left and the Right lower the bar to the point where only flatworms can cross. Yeah, that’s sounds like a stable place to be. A society where factcheck fake news to exhaustion because people’s perceptions rather than truth feeds the greedy media. A culture of the damn that blames physical ills on the genes inherited from the parents that are no different than the “sin of the father” reasoning use 200 years ago but with a misconstrued scientific twist. Oh, and then there the Western elitist point of view that the world will be “a better place if only we allow {fill in the blank: God, Nature, Socialism, Capitalism, Nationalism, Skepticism, any kind of “ism”,  Science and Technology (yeah, capital letters), Boomers, Gen-Xers, Millennials, Gen-Zee, The U.S. Congress, The Donald, The Fed, Wall Street, PETA, Hollywood, Bollywood, The United Nations, NATO, UNESCO, EU, PU (just kidding), Ahura-Mazda, ComCast, Apple, the “Spaghetti Monster”, Organic Farming, Anti-Vaxers, Anti-science, Moe, Larry and Curly, etc., etc., etc.} to do its thing in peace”. That will so not happen if there are sane people on this planet.

But, enough of my rant.

Wondering what the title has to do about this all of this? Nothing at all unless you consider for a moment that’s it’s a peek into the effed-up process in which my mind works.

It sucks, and I used to let it frustrate. Now, thanks to those that have made autism chic, I have embraced my mental “quirkiness” in the form of Asperger’s syndrome and see the world in my different way.

Frustrating? HELL-YA! Can I do something about it? Might be the point of sharing these private thoughts of mind. Is this my “Dark Manifesto”? Please, that’s for the truly psychotic. Is there hope for our screwed-up world? Sure, there is. There’s always that.


If you indulge me on one final note, my other reason for doing this. I see the beginning of 2018 with renewed possibilities one of them being the completion of several writing projects I will be sharing here. Some are good, some need work, as fiction and commentary, all I hope will entertain and maybe provoke some discussion.

Why Am I Here


Who am I and why am I here?  For what purpose has my Creator made me? Am I a phantom presence to the events around me, lacking substance and presence? Or am I flesh to do as I please, to seek and to influence? If neither, then who am I?  What do I know that will help me answer this?

I know that I am lesser than an angel, yet not so fallen to be a devil.

I know that I am the son of Humanity, with all its strengths and weakness.

I know I was born cold, blind, helpless into a harsh world, yet I live.

I know the pain and scars of youth, to expose it as an adult as trophies.

I know disappointment, I know loss, I know fear, I know doubt, I know hate.

I also know hope.

I know that I a father, and not only to my children.

I know that I am a friend, to all who accepts me as one.

I know that I a lover, and more than in an intimate way for love is boundless.

I know that I am wise, at least enough to realize how much of a fool I can be.

I know I have strength, for I will not give in to defeat.

I know I have faith in who I am, and in knowing who I am-

I am.